shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
