I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
