I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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