Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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