so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
