Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
