As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
