thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
