I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
