i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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