I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
