my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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