Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
