So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
