i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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