What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
