I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
