walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
