He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My feet surprised me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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