wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
