something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
