I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
