The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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