it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
