note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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