what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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