Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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