out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
