I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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