Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
