why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
