if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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