Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
