She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you would pick up someone in the library
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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