my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
