tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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