when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
