i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
