so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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