I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
