Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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