Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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