Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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