some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
