We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
