Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
