Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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