if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
