I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
