i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
