Will you blow on my dice?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
