after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
