the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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