i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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