I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
