i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
