im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
