Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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